Your home is gaslighting you: the hidden emotional manipulation of bad design
Have you ever felt small in your own home?
Not because of its size but because something about it makes you doubt your own sense of ease, confidence, or calm?
That’s what I call a gaslighting home.
It’s the kind of space that subtly contradicts you. It tells you you’re disorganized when in fact the layout is just wrong. It makes you feel restless or heavy, not because you are but because the light, proportions and flow are quietly working against you.
The apartment that lied to its owner
One of my clients, a brilliant woman in publishing, came to me saying she needed “more discipline” to feel productive at home. But when I stepped into her apartment, I saw the truth: the space was gaslighting her.
Her desk faced a blank wall. Her chair sat too low, forcing her shoulders into a permanent slump. The artwork behind her: striking, abstract and beautiful, hung just a little too high, like something she could never quite reach. Every element whispered a story of someone trying to earn her place.
She thought she lacked structure. But what she really lacked was alignment.
Rewriting the space’s narrative
I didn’t give her tips or routines. I changed the conversation her home was having with her.
We turned her desk toward natural light so she’d face possibility, not confinement. I added a deep, grounding green accent to stabilize her focus and a soft brass sconce to replace harsh overhead light. The art came down to eye level, where it could engage, not intimidate.
When I visited a few weeks later, she said, “I don’t have to force myself to sit straight anymore. I just do.”
That’s when I knew the gaslighting had stopped.
Why design isn’t neutral
Design is never just aesthetic, it’s psychological.
Every proportion, every texture, every reflection tells you something about who you are. When it’s incoherent, you question yourself. When it’s harmonious, you remember yourself.
A poorly designed home keeps you second-guessing your own rhythm.
A well-designed one anchors you back to truth.
If your home makes you feel smaller than you are it’s not your fault. It’s the design lying to you.
My role as a designer isn’t to make things pretty; it’s to make them truthful.
Let’s design a home that reflects who you truly are: confident, composed and entirely at ease in your own space.
Book a call and let’s start creating your honest environment.
Written by Carole Vaudable, interior designer.
Home Office proposal designed by Carole Vaudable Interior Design.